Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
It is more comfortable to feel that we are a slight improvement on a monkey than such a fallin' off from the angels.
That is, no matther whether th' constitution follows th' flag or not, th' supreme coort follows th' iliction returns.
One of the strangest things about life is that the poor, who need the money the most, are the ones that never have it.
When the American people get through with the English language, it will look as if it had been run over by a musical comedy.
Meditation is a gift confined to unknown philosophers and cows. Others don't begin to think till they begin to talk or write.
If a man is wise, he gets rich an' if he gets rich, he gets foolish, or his wife does. That's what keeps the money movin' around.
Th' dead ar-re always pop'lar. I knowed a society wanst to vote a monyment to a man an' refuse to help his fam'ly, all in wan night.
A rayformer thinks he was ilicted because he was a rayformer, whin th thruth iv th matther is he was ilicted because no wan knew him.
There's always wan encouragin' thing about th' sad scientific facts that come out ivrv week in th' pa-apers. They're usually not thrue.
Th' first thing to have in a libry is a shelf. Fr'm time to time this can be decorated with lithrachure. But th' shelf is th' main thing.
High finance isn't burglary or obtaining money by false pretenses, but rather a judicious selection from the best features of those fine arts.
A man's idea in a game of cards is war, cruel, devastating, and pitiless. A lady's idea of it is a combination of larceny, embezzlement and burglary.
There aint any news in being good. You might write the doings of all the convents of the world on the back of a postage stamp, and have room to spare.
If Christian scientists had more science and doctors more Christianity, it wouldn't make any difference which you called in - if you had a good nurse.
There ain't any news in being good. You might write the doings of all the convents of the world on the back of a postage stamp, and have room to spare.
Many a man that couldn't direct ye to th' drug store on th' corner when he was thirty will get a respectful hearin' when age has further impaired his mind.
A Mormon is a man that has the bad taste and the religion to do what a good many other people are restrained from doing by conscientious scruples and the police.
Many a man that could rule a hundherd millyon sthrangers with an ir'n hand is careful to take off his shoes in the front hallway whin he comes home late at night.
Continued focus on (employee) turnover is of critical importance, because of the direct relation of turnover to improvements in labor costs and guest satisfaction.
It [Thanksgiving] was founded by the Puritans to give thanks for bein' preserved from the Indians, an' we keep it to give thanks we are preserved from the Puritans.
A man that'd expict to thrain lobsters to fly in a year is called a loonytic; but a man that thinks men can be tur-rned into angels by an iliction is called a rayformer an' remains at large.
Opportunity knocks at every man's door once. On some men's door it hammers till it breaks down the door and then it goes in and wakes him up if he's asleep, and ever afterward it works for him as a night watchman.
Th' newspaper does ivrything f'r us. It runs th' polis foorce an' th' banks, commands th' milishy, controls th' ligislachure, baptizes th' young, marries th' foolish, comforts th' afflicted, afflicts th' comfortable, buries th' dead an' roasts thim aftherward.
No, sir, th' dimmycratic party ain't on speakin' terms with itsilf. Whin ye see two men with white neckties go into a sthreet car an' set in opposite corners while wan mutthers Thraiter an' th' other hisses Miscreent ye can bet they're two dimmycratic leaders thryin' to reunite th' gran' ol' party.