Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
Eloquence is the art of saying as little as possible but making it sound as much as possible.
A man is known by the company he keeps, but a woman is known by the company she keeps waiting.
There's only one thing worse than to live without working, and that is to work without living.
About the only time Congress conforms to the will of the people is when it decides to adjourn.
Don't tear your hair out over a woman; it'll be harder to attract the next one if you're bald.
Under dictatorship, the people in prison are always superior to the people who put them there.
All men are created equal and endowed by their Creator with a mighty urge to become otherwise.
The reason why men who mind their own business succeed is that they have so little competition.
A corporation has all the powers and privileges of an individual: all it lacks is a conscience.
After paying for the wedding, about the only thing a father has left to give away is the bride.
We can't do much about the length of our lives, but we can do plenty about it's width and depth.
Communism is a form of society where the less people have to eat, the more they have to swallow.
You can always make a loan at a bank if you can show sufficient evidence that you don't need it.
Divorce is the key that opens the strongbox where the bonds of matrimony are kept under wedlock.
Do a little more every day than you are expected to do, and soon you will be expected to do more.
Next time a man tells you talk is cheap, ask him if he knows how much a session of Congress costs.
Success is the good fortune that comes from aspiration, desperation, perspiration,and inspiration.
Many a husband lives to regret the extravagant fee he bestowed upon the minister who sentenced him.
Some women get divorces on the grounds of incompatibility; others, on just the first two syllables.
The only medicine that needs no prescription, has no unpleasant taste, and costs no money is laughter.
If it required some effort to go from today to tomorrow, some people would always remain in yesterday.
The difference between us and other people is that their money looks bigger and their troubles smaller.
A dictator's chief problem is keeping the stomachs of his subjects full while keeping their heads empty.
Some couples divorce because of a misunderstandin g; others, because they understand each other too well.
Lecturers should remember that the capacity of the mind to absorb is limited to what the seat can endure.
A man doesn't have vacation problems: his boss tells him when to take them, and his wife tells him where.
The word impossible is peculiar because if you examine it closely, you'll find that most of it is possible.
The man who doctors himself with the aid of medical books, runs the risk of dying of a typographical error.
A woman is always ready to describe another woman as charming, but only if the other woman is not charming.
An instrument that sometimes expresses thought, sometimes obscures thought, but most often replaces thought.
Some taxpayers close their eyes, some stop their ears, some shut their mouths, but all pay through the nose.
Many a man who goes to Las Vegas to get away from it all soon finds that Las Vegas gets it all away from him.
The modern dance is no dance in the first place, and when you've finally learned it, it's not modern any more.
Formerly when a man worked ten hours a day, it was called economic slavery; nowadays it is called moonlighting.
The cat: an animal that's so unpredictable, you can never tell in advance how it will ignore you the next time.
You can always tell the golfer who's winning: he's the one who keeps telling his opponent that it's only a game.
Communism is a form of government under which every citizen at election time enjoys the privilege of voting Yes.
A vacation is like love - anticipated with pleasure, experienced with discomfort, and remembered with nostalgia.
Statistics: The only science that enables different experts using the same figures to draw different conclusions.
It's surprising how much wisdom every man possesses -- if not for his own affairs, then for the affairs of others.
The only thing worse than being on the wrong side of an argument is to be on the right side with no one listening.
There are two kinds of leaders: those who are interested in the flock, and those who are interested in the fleece.
It takes hundreds of nuts to hold a car together, but it takes only one of them to scatter it all over the highway.
Reactionary: One who wants the rules enforced so nobody can take his pile away from him the way he got it from others.
The little boy who goes to the store and forgets what his mother sent him for, will probably grow up to be a congressman.
Congress would give the people what they wanted if the people knew what they wanted, and if Congress could give it to them.
Think twice before you speak, and then you may be able to say something more insulting than if you spoke right out at once.
Conceit is a disease That the doctors got no cure They've done a lot of research on it But what it is, they're still not sure.
The best time to give advice to your children is while they're still young enough to believe you know what you're talking about.
Compare what you want with what you have, and you'll be unhappy; compare what you deserve with what you have, and you'll be happy.