Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
The Pope is guarded by the Swiss guard who stand proudly in pajamas and silly hats.
We must have been hunters and gatherers but some of us were just waiters and hopers.
There was no religion in my life growing up. Did God invent us or did we invent God?
Guns don't kill people, people kill people, and monkeys do too (if they have a gun).
I just believe in the goodwill of people, the power of people to do something positive.
Father, bless me for I have sinned, I did an original sin… I poked a badger with a spoon.
If you're a performer, people tend to be quite positive about you or they have no opinion.
If you get anything creative going, then the work and play thing is the same thing, I feel.
Cats have a scam going - you buy the food, they eat the food, they go away; that's the deal.
And the druids, they were into sex and death in an interesting night-time telly sort of way.
If you get too well-known in comedy, I do believe it blocks people from taking you in drama.
I like my coffee hot and strong. Like I like my women: hot and strong...with a spoon in them.
We have two hundred languages in Europe. Two hundred languages! Count them! I know you won't!
I try to just talk about human stories and what I think about religion or teapots or whatever.
I appreciate your applause, but I don't do it for applause. I do it for cash, it's much better.
Before birds get sucked into jet engines, do they ever think, Is that Rod Stewart in first class?
I don't believe in God. So I'm a non-believer in the non-visible. I'm a believer in us; in humans.
The National Rifle Association says, 'Guns don't kill people. People do'. But I think the gun helps.
I don't know what it's like in the U.S. but immigrants in the U.K. do the jobs the citizens won't do.
When you're coming out, you have to deal with the whole world saying 'Oh! You're an abominable snowman'.
San Francisco! City of dreaming spires, people live here... Golden Gate Bridge, ahh the Romans came here.
Well, if you don't have a flag, then you can't have a country. Those are the rules... that I just made up!
I've wiped the file? .... I've wiped all the files? .... I've wiped the INTERNET? I don't even have a modem!
Boy bands should be exploded from a great height. They're just pretty people singing music written by others.
Religion and philosophy, philosophy and religion - they're two words which are both... different. In spelling.
Learning that you have stamina is an excellent thing to know. If a project fails, I know I can pick myself up.
Religion and philosophy, philosophy and religion - they're two words which are both ... different. In spelling.
My stand-up is quite good now, people say. It's just like a big conversation each time. Every gig is a rehearsal.
I don't subscribe to the theory that all politicians are crap. I think the 'cool people' often take that position.
I definitely have breast envy. When teenage girls were saying 'I wish I had breasts', I was thinking the same thing.
I'm an action transvestite really, so it's running, jumping, climbing trees putting on make-up when you're up there!
If you can be your own force of nature and have a positive heart, then you can actually do something good in the world.
Because that's what narcissism is all about; looking in the mirror everyday and thinking 'Damn, I'd like to shag myself.'
All humans can do more than they think they can do. So I think we can all actually be more superhuman than we think we can.
There's not much makeup in the army, is there? No. They only have that nighttime look, and that's a bit slapdash, isn't it?
Queen Victoria, one of our more frumpy Queen's. They're all frumpy aren't they? Because it's a bad idea when cousin's marry.
MAC gave me 55 lipsticks to test. These are the same lipsticks I got caught stealing by the police when I was 15. How ironic.
I wear whatever I want whenever I want. I don't call it drag; I don't even call it cross-dressing. It's just wearing a dress.
That's no good, I can't steal from the fairly well off and give to the moderately impoverished! That's not gonna swing, is it?
Sharks are just evil bastards. I'm quite happy if all the sharks just went, because they eat fish and us. And we need the fish.
Drama is a complete meal, vitamins, proteins, carbohydrates. It's a slow burn thing. It's got an arc. Comedy is more like coke.
If you go down as a comedian's comedian, that's basically meaning other comedians are hopefully feeling that you're doing okay.
Everyone gets cards at the beginning of life. I am transgender, I decided to be honest and tell everyone about it, and that's it.
I'm working on a speed boat at the moment. Much more exciting. It'll really kick ass, give great photographs for the people in Bible.
My Gran said put a thimble on your finger and it helps you in case you slip with the needle and it goes up, into the brain, and death.
I love the fact that trying is respected. The American Dream: if you try, if you build it, they will come. I love that. It's honorable.
I can go from blokey to girlie in 15 minutes and then I'm out the door. But that's the fastest I can do it. Becoming a woman takes work.
If you get too well-known, you can never be a comedian's comedian, it just won't sit well. But I'm fine with that. I'm fine with that label.
"I've done your dog. It's got nine eyes down the side, I made his head all square, 15 legs. What do you think of that?" "Fido looks a bit weird."
Your eyes flashed fire into my soul. I immediately read the words of Dostoyevsky and Karl Marx, and in the words of Albert Schweitzer, I FANCY YOU!