Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
What people say behind your back is your standing in the community.
Probably no man ever had a friend that he did not dislike a little.
The sounder your argument, the more satisfaction you get out of it.
If you want to know how old a woman is . . . ask her sister-in-law.
A theory is no more like a fact than a photograph is like a person.
As soon as the people fix one Shame of the World, another turns up.
Probably you have noted the resemblance of the critic to the crank.
Instead of loving your enemies - treat your friends a little better.
No really sensible person ever remembers enough poetry to recite it.
Some men are alive simply because it is against the law to kill them.
We love the Lord, of course, but we often wonder what He finds in us.
Men are virtuous because women are; women are virtuous from necessity.
Put cream and sugar on a fly and it tastes very much like a raspberry.
Many a man is saved from being a thief by finding everything locked up.
Americans detest all lies except lies spoken in public or printed lies.
No man would listen to you talk if he didn't know it was his turn next.
You can make up a quarrel, but it will always show where it was patched.
A successful man cannot realize how hard an unsuccessful man finds life.
Everyone hates a martyr; it's no wonder martyrs were burned at the stake.
When you can't do anything else to a boy, you can make him wash his face.
Half the time men think they are talking business, they are wasting time.
The only way to amuse some people is to slip and fall on an icy pavement.
Families with babies and families without babies are sorry for each other.
A man should be taller, older, heavier, uglier, and hoarser than his wife.
When a man dies, and his kin are glad of it, they say, "He is better off."
Even if a farmer intends to loaf, he gets up in time to get an early start.
The only gambling tip which amounts to anything is to keep out of the game.
Common sense is compelled to make its way without the enthusiasm of anyone.
There is no get-rich-quick scheme equal to a poor girl marrying a rich man.
The average man's judgment is so poor, he runs a risk every time he uses it.
Virtue must be valuable, if men and women of all degrees pretend to have it.
A man will do more for his stubbornness than for his religion or his country
Living up to ideals is like doing everyday work with your Sunday clothes on.
Most people put off till tomorrow that which they should have done yesterday.
A man has his clothes made to fit him; a woman makes herself fit her clothes.
Most of us are either too think to enjoy eating, or too fat to enjoy walking.
A man will do more for his stubbornness than for his religion or his country.
The little trouble in the world that is not due to love is due to friendship.
Men have as exaggerated an idea of their rights as women have of their wrongs.
One has fear in front of a goat, in back of a mule, and on every side of a fool
So long as we do not blow our brains out, we have decided life is worth living.
There is only one thing people like that is good for them; a good night's sleep.
A man forgets his good luck next day, but remembers his bad luck until next year.
Farmers only worry during the growing season, but townspeople worry all the time.
When a man diets, he eats oatmeal in addition to everything else he usually eats.
All of the troubles that some people have in life is that which they married into.
Success does not mean happiness: it means an unusual number of industrious enemies.
Loving everybody is polygamy. I care for no friend who loves his enemy equally well.
For every quarrel a man and wife have before others, they have a hundred when alone.
The underdog often starts the fight, and occasionally the upper dog deserves to win.