Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
The East is very mysterious to Westerners. Even post-Cold War, it's still an unknown entity.
I have used that song ["50ft Queenie"] and I'm a big PJ Harvey fan. I think she's fantastic.
Organic? I grew up on Angel Delight. We didn't have anything in the house if it wasn't neon!
Tequila? It's not even a drink. It's a way for having the cops around without using a phone.
Yeah, I think Michael has had to deal with that label of being Michael Caine for a long time.
Its not easy being a man you know. I had to get dressed today… and there are other pressures.
The characters can't be wittier than people are in real life. They have to be character witty.
I can't relax here. These people have no pubic hair anywhere. We have pubic hair on the ceiling.
One thing that's coming up a lot is: are you as grumpy as you appear from this Black Books thing.
We all know smoking is bad. I know I'm going to quit someday, if I thought I wasn't I'd quit now.
Women are like canoes, full of soup. At first everyone is suspicious but then everyone wants one.
Two young, fit, healthy attractive people in love? There’s nothing worse to look at in the world.
You’re not going to learn anything if you’re not prepared to go flat, so I’m very happy to go flat.
You're not going to learn anything if you're not prepared to go flat, so I'm very happy to go flat.
I thought The Office was good, though I didn't think of it as a sitcom, just as a very good programme.
Wow this place is really big isn't it? They must do proper stuff here, like opera and all that...shite.
Vodka! That's a child's drink, why am I drinking this stupid drink, oh and why am I on a traffic island?
Children are the most honest critics. They will say 'You're funny', but also 'You're pathetic - go away.'
Children are the most honest critics. They will say "You're funny", but also "You're pathetic - go away."
In the same way, there is some creature gnawing away inside of me, urging me to do things in different ways.
He could dismiss several schools of philosophy by shifting slightly in his chair or toting his whisky glass.
People will kill you over time, and how they'll kill you is with tiny, harmless phrases, like 'be realistic.'
I'd be hard-pressed to think of anybody who's made me laugh, who's funny, but who's also relentlessly positive.
You can't please everyone, nor should you seek to, because then you won't please anyone, least of all yourself.
Idioms are a big thing in Ireland. They want to fill the time, to show how good they are at talk - it's a talk-off
You’re not an adult at all - you're just a tall child holding a beer, having conversations you don't understand...
It's true that I have spoken about doing a book before, but then everyone you speak to is planning to write a book.
I'm just trying to understand what's around me as much as anyone else is, really. To draw a bead on a moving target.
If you're a comic, you don't have a rehearsal room, you rehearse on stage. My main concern is remembering everything.
You're supposed to eat the cows. They're great big lumbering stupid things - they'd be everywhere if we didn't eat them.
I can't swim. I can't drive, either. I was going to learn to drive but then I thought, well, what if I crash into a lake?
When did you ever hear of a child not in need? 'Oh that's enough jam tart for me, I'll just go now and clean the toilets.'
I've lived in the UK for longer than I lived in Ireland. I'm not worried about myself, but it's ridiculous for youngsters.
I think you should, yeah. You should wash your beard, then shave it off, nail it to a Frisbee and fling it over a rainbow.
It should not be an act of social disobedience to light a cigarette. Unless you're actually a doctor working at an incubator.
I don't go to different countries to criticise their political system and tell them what they should be doing - what do I know?
In my personal life, my family makes me laugh more than anybody; I think that is the same for everybody. I certainly hope it is.
Maybe this is just me, but as time goes by, I'm more bewildered by modernity. It gets more unfathomable with every passing year.
You learn very very quickly that it is mostly about swearing, actually. That's all you're doing, swearing, in a box with wheels.
Cooking? Oh we were great, you'd take anything and melt cheese on it, and the one who could guess what it was didn't have to wash up!
Adulthood feels like walking around in the desert with a bag over your head, being bumped into by people who rob you as they bore you.
I think that women just have a primeval instinct to make soup, which they will try to foist on anybody who looks like a likely candidate.
I have tried... believe me, I have tried to like rap music. It makes me feel so very, very old. I have tried to get home with the downies.
Black Books adheres to a more old fashioned, traditional sitcom format, which I think works, because in its own way, it's quite theatrical.
It probably says something really clinically terrible about my character that I need to get up on a stage and go 'Ra ra ra' in front of people.
The American political machinery is awesome to behold in its scale and expense and waste and madness. It's the greatest circus on Earth I suppose.
If you're talking about crowd enthusiasm, it varies. I have a decent following in Australia so I like there. I'm interested in playing everywhere.
If you covered a broom handle with oil and shoved it up my arse, then put me on a trampoline, in a lift, I could write a better song on the walls.
America is this incredible mosaic of immigrants, so people really want to be anchored in some kind of culture as well as the one they are living in.
I suppose the best comedy shows do have the rock n' roll feeling - if it's a great night, and the roof is raised yeah, it's a similar feeling, sure.