Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
Comedy is rarely funny.
The man I want to be could easily beat me up.
If you love sleep, you'll really enjoy death.
People that say I'm really sensitive rarely are.
Everybody wants to be more wanted, until they are.
A high percentage of vegan men look like lesbians.
Sleep is over rated, then again so is being awake.
Latin women enjoy being women more than other women.
Only bugs can truly appreciate the beauty of flowers.
Do you love me for me?... I don't even love me for me.
I'd spend more time with you if you were less like you.
How can there not already be a rapper named 'O'pinion'?
Can you spare some change? is never a good pick up line.
Fear can be a great motivator, just not during foreplay.
MTV has turned more young women into whores than poverty.
Domestic abuse is wrong, but domestic retribution is okay.
The expectation of happiness creates a lot of unhappiness.
I'm pretty happy for someone who struggles with happiness.
There are few places more lonely than a crowded night club.
Homemade' sounds much better when not referring to tattoos.
The more I get to know people, the less I know about people.
I'd like you much better if you didn't like yourself so much.
Few things interest me more than the things people don't say.
Domestic violence isn't funny, especially if you live together.
The rift between culture and pop-culture has never been greater.
Every time I see a happy couple I want to give them a polygraph.
A lot of people in a LA need to take a break from taking a break.
Violence is never the answer, unless you don't feel like talking.
False humility is thinly veiled ego disguised as self confidence.
Few things are more negative than thinking positive for no reason.
No one understands the way I feel about things I don't understand.
Unlicensed, illegal immigrants are the safest drivers on the road.
Cupcakes are the tattooed brunette chick of the baked goods world.
I'd find myself more interesting if I weren't with me all the time.
I'm endlessly amazed by what people are capable of, and incapable of.
Anyone who says I would never hit a woman hasn't met my x girlfriend.
Is it cynical to assume that anyone smiling is a liar and a criminal?
Canadians are like Americans, just less racist, violent, and ignorant.
Fountains are more romantic when you don't hate the person you're with.
If procrastination were a marketable skill, I'd be a real hot commodity.
Saying, have a great work-out is like saying, I hope you pull something.
I spend so much time alone that whenever I see my shadow I feel crowded.
Living by the beach means feeling guilty about never going to the beach.
Monogamy is god's way of making death seem like a more reasonable option.
The worst part about people with bad personalities is they don't know it.
Animals look at people the way people look at people that might mug them.
Met someone who works at the zoo. Apparently the panda is a nasty animal.
The good things in life are free, except for health care, and electricity.
You think you have anger issues? I just yelled at a sandwich. Not kidding.
Love is nature's LSD. You're going to see things that aren't really there.