Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
I cannot tell a joke. But I can do a situation, that it becomes a joke.
Now when I'm not working, I don't really hang out with the young comics.
The old days were the old days. And they were great days. But now is now.
Struggling is hard because you never know what's at the end of the tunnel.
You lose your energy, you lose that excitement and it gets the audience up.
It's tough having the last name Rickles. Luckily, my kids handled it great.
When you first start out with something new, you're always a little uptight.
I don't walk into a dinner party and say, 'You're an idiot; give me my coat.'
Some people call me a legend and the last of the greats, and I appreciate it.
It's tough having the last name 'Rickles.' Luckily, my kids handled it great.
My wife is great. She always goes to the bank to see if the check has cleared.
Compared to what some of the young comics use for material today, I'm a priest.
I don't really tell a joke per se, I build up an attitude and it becomes a joke.
Show business is my life. When I was a kid I sold insurance, but nobody laughed.
Among my friends, I'm not a little Boy Scout, and they love my humor, thank God.
I've never been mean-spirited, in my opinion. I never did anything below the belt.
It's very sweet to have people say nice things about you, and I always accept that.
I was always the guy - out of insecurities, I was always making fun, even as a kid.
Why should I retire? I'm like a fighter. The bell rings, and you come out and fight.
You can't study comedy; it's within you. It's a personality. My humor is an attitude.
I've got an accountant who's been with me forty years. If he makes a mistake, he dies.
The thing I love about Vegas is that it's a melting pot. It's like working Ellis Island.
I've been hot, I've been lukewarm, I've been freezing, but I've always been a headliner.
I can sit all day in a comfortable chair and watch ball games, but I don't need a blanket.
Half the battle is that people have to like you before you say one joke, one bit of humor.
I was in World War II; I cried when they took me in the Navy. That's the last time I cried.
Frank Sinatra enjoyed my humor, so I could say almost anything to him. I mean, within reason.
I busted my bird for 60 years in the business, but my grandkids only know me as Mr. Potato Head.
I have a problem, if the light goes on on TV and it blinks midnight, I don't know how to fix it.
Political correctness? In my humor, I never talk about politics. I was never much into all that.
Italians are fantastic people, really. They can work you over in an alley while singing an opera.
When you enter a room, you have to kiss his ring. I don't mind, but he has it in his back pocket.
I don't practice or write stuff down - everything I do onstage was just made up before I went on.
My wife, Barbara, is great. She arranges when I do work that I have a day off between performances.
When you talk about George Burns you're talking about a living legend . . . well, a legend, anyhow.
I don't feel an obligation to give everyone a hard time, but when they're important people, it's fun.
I've never had a writer, and I'm proud of that. Everything I've performed has been from my own head.
I think if I took therapy, the doctor would quit. He'd just pick up the couch and walk out of the room.
Who am I to judge is what I say. I'm 90 years old, for crying out loud, and I don't sit in any chariot.
We show a lot of film [with Regis Philbin] from my career which is most enjoyable. I enjoy watching it.
No matter where you go in this world, you will always find a Jew sitting in the beach chair next to you.
There's a difference between an actual insult and a friendly jab. So I don't think I'm offensive onstage.
Sex is great, but when you get to be my age, you've got to pace it a little bit. Otherwise you get tired.
I have to have energy because I have a lot of expenses. A couple of cars, couple of dogs and a big estate.
Even when I was in high school and the Navy, I was the guy who could rip somebody, and they'd laugh at it.
When I first went to Vegas, there were just high-rollers and gamblers and the wise guys treated you great.
When you stand alone and sell yourself, you can't please everyone. But when you're different, you can last.
I don't say I was the first, because, who knows, maybe there was a guy out in Minnesota doing it before me.
The highlight of my career was being at the inaugural gala of Ronald Reagan, and I owe that to Mr. Sinatra.
I knew most of the people there who ran the places, a lot of wiseguys. They're all gone now. All good people.