Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
William F. Buckley was a man who had a great capacity for fun and for amusing himself by amazing others.
In relative youth, we assume we'll remember everything. Someone should urge the young to think otherwise.
I don't see the future as bright, language-wise. I see it as a glass half empty - and evaporating quickly.
Once I left out what I then considered my best line because there was a suspected column rat in the house.
I'm not freakishly short. I had, on my show, used shortness as a joke subject; it didn't really bother me.
I feel like I've been watching Irwin Corey forever. I saw him in the 1950s, and I thought he was old then.
I don't think anyone ever gets over the surprise of how differently one audience's reaction is from another.
The information superhighway? That sounds like a place that's long and boring and kills 50,000 people a year.
You would have to be naive to think you can appear on television and not have the material edited in some way.
Every time someone says, 'You know, we really ought to get together,' if I were really honest, I would ask 'Why?'
Does anything show the complexity of the miraculous brain more than that weird curiosity, the sleep-protection dream?
Show people tend to treat their finances like their dentistry. They assume the man handling it knows what he is doing.
My dream was maybe someday, one night I can be a guest on a talk show, and then I will have achieved everything I want.
In the main, ghosts are said to be forlorn and generally miserable, if not downright depressed. The jolly ghost is rare.
I felt bad when George Bush was booed. But only briefly. My sympathy for that man has a half-life of about four seconds.
An effective speaker can do more damage or more good in a well-stated minute than an angry klutz could do in half an hour.
Nobody is going to try to confiscate guns, although some Web sites know better: President Obama, they are certain, wants to.
Show people tend to treat their finances like their dentistry. They assume the people who handle it know what they are doing.
I eat at this German-Chinese restaurant and the food is delicious. The only problem is that an hour later you're hungry for power.
The Nixon administration kept a nasty eye on our show... Cops would come by - often just in time to see the act they wanted to see.
Every time I nostalgically try to regain my liking of John McCain, he reaches into his sleaze bag and pulls out something malodorous.
I'm not the guy with the enormous comedy nose or the big feet or the bad posture or the whatever; a physical comic has certain things.
I have yet to see one of those Comedy Central shows with multiple standup comics that doesn't include someone the size of the Hindenburg.
It's a tribute to the human brain that anyone is able to function out there on television in a talk situation that is entirely artificial.
Perhaps the saddest irony of depression is that suicide happens when the patient gets a little better and can again function sufficiently.
I have a disturbing problem with losing things. My vulnerability to loss-distress could properly be labeled not only inordinate, but neurotic.
When I'm doing an appearance somewhere and taking questions from the audience, I can always count on: 'Tell about the guy who died on your show!'
It's lamented that the youth get their news from Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert. It's lamentable that they get more from them than from the news.
The trick to writing for people is, you have to be able to turn them on in your head. And know how they'd word something or how they'd inflect it.
The greatest benefit of depression is the fact that when I have talked about it, every so often someone comes up and says, you saved my dad's life.
Radio, which was a much better medium than television will ever be, was easy and pleasant to listen to. Your mind filled automatically with images.
I would not ever try to be a show intellectual, which I was accused of doing a while on ABC. I thought you were supposed to read the guests' books.
There should be three days a week when no one is allowed to say: 'What's your sign?' Violators would have their copies of Kahlil Gibran confiscated.
Why anyone, by dying, should thereby be declared beyond criticism, innocent of wrongdoing, suddenly filled with virtue and above reproach escapes me.
The greatest benefit of depression is the fact that when I have talked about it, every so often someone comes up and says, 'You saved my dad's life.'
Comedians are sometimes resentful of their writers. Probably because it's hard for giant egos to admit you need anyone but yourself to be what you are.
I am always shocked that there are still a handful of defenders of the dubious practice of abstinence, surely the worst idea since chocolate-covered ants.
The authority of depression is horrifying. I felt like my brain was busted and that I could never feel good again. I really thought that I was never gonna heal.
I'm the only talk show host, I think, if there's such a category in, what's called, the book of records, to have a guest die while we were taping the show, yeah.
Years have passed since I have set foot in a comedy club. If the comic is doing badly it's painful, and if the comic is doing brilliantly, it's extremely painful.
Its fun for me to go on other folks talk shows. When youve endured the ups and downs and tensions and pitfalls of hosting, being a guest is a piece of angel food.
There are online forms you can fill out to send to your lawmakers, demanding that nothing - nothing at all or in any way - be done about any guns whatever, anywhere.
Running my show is really like an actor being in repertory but where, in one day in one performance, you do scenes from a drama, a farce, a low comedy and a tragedy.
You have to be on TV a surprisingly long time before you're stopped on the street. Then, when you are, you get a lot of, 'Hey, you're great! What's your name again?'
It's fun for me to go on other folks' talk shows. When you've endured the ups and downs and tensions and pitfalls of hosting, being a guest is a piece of angel food.
Unpleasant reading on the subject of anger tells us that there's not really anything wrong with it. In limited amounts. It can even be a good thing. A pressure valve.
A conversation does not have to be scintillating in order to be memorable. I once met a president of the United States, and his second sentence to me was about knees.
I did standup while still working for Johnny Carson in the mid-'60s, thus gaining the advantage of at least getting laughs from him about how I hadn't the night before.
It was well after college that I learned about depression. I got my first job for Jack Paar. I realized I was sleeping 14 hours a day and just living for the Paar show.
Depression - it falls into that small category of things like combat that, if you haven't been in it, you can say you can imagine it all you like. But it's truly different.