Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
I hate Danny Kaye movies.
It's no fun being a specimen.
Great humorists are great insulters.
I think I'd be pretty easy to write for.
I find most 'sacred music' pretty dismal.
I always wanted to live in a haunted house.
I know what it feels like to be a gun lover.
I have a long list of things that make me mad.
A grown man, weeping, is a tough thing to see.
I get a kick out of people saying I was funny.
I'll be happy if I can just stay out of Nebraska.
Meryl Streep belongs on anybody's list of greats.
I think we live in an age of increasing mediocrity.
Home schooling as an idea is on a par with home dentistry.
Every comic can report a few 'gift from the gods' moments.
The sudden death at 51 of James Gandolfini is intolerable.
I live a sensible life. You know, I don't take on too much.
Every student of comedy should see Dame Edna at least twice.
Lawyers work hard and, like us, they're human, many of them.
Can you picture yourself at the age 60 doing what you do now?
My IQ is somewhere between Spiro Agnew's and Albert Einstein's.
It takes a certain amount of guts to go to your class reunions.
The emotions in all true anxiety dreams are next to unbearable.
Teaching is an art and a profession requiring years of training.
Just think of all the billions of coincidences that don't happen.
If your parents never had children, chances are you won't either.
It's a rare person who wants to hear what he doesn't want to hear.
The mob became unruly and the police were forced to resort to sex.
To label me an intellectual is a misunderstanding of what that is.
Therapists need to give a depressed patient support and direction.
I love my own coincidences and love to hear other peoples' stories.
If your parents never had children, chances are... neither will you.
It's not always easy to identify your own voice. It comes with time.
Censorship feeds the dirty mind more than the four-letter word itself.
To call New York's traffic at holiday time a nightmare is to understate.
I like when the ice gets thin, the going gets rough, the guests get edgy.
Anything seen on TV is, in a subtle and sinister sense, thereby endorsed.
Japanese is sort of a hobby of mine, and I can get around Japan with ease.
I don't feel old. I feel like a young man that has something wrong with him.
There's so much comedy on television. Does that cause comedy in the streets?
Electronic devices dislike me. There is never a day when something isn't ailing.
Sloppy language leads to sloppy thought, and sloppy thought to sloppy legislation.
I'm not all that enthralled by show business, and I'm not that much of a highbrow.
I've actually gotten so I don't associate television with entertainment very much.
By the time I was in the fourth grade, I sounded exactly like my father on the phone.
As long as people will accept crap, it will be financially profitable to dispense it.
Music bypasses the brain and goes straight to the heart. I wish my life had more of it.
A biggest mistake I made when I started doing a talk show was I thought you had to read the books.
History is not reassuring on the subject of the longevity of seemingly lasting great nations, is it?
I haven't ever found any great writing on that wonderful and often unappreciated art form, the insult.