Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
You can't just yell jokes at people.
The best thing about me is there are no skeletons.
My biggest problem is retaining the exact information.
I recently attended a pro-drug rally... in my basement.
I'm concerned about how and why there is no gun control.
I do not want to encourage heckling and outbreaks at all.
There is also a kind of mean-spiritedness with LA comics.
So all my friends have kids now... which I think is rude.
I love Tinkle, it's really the most fun I've had in years.
I've had plenty of negative reviews. I have my entire life.
I was heavily influenced by Andy Kaufman and Steven Wright.
James Lipton: The most pompous arrogant failure in history.
I was born Jewish, but I am an atheist. I dont believe in God.
I've never thought of myself as a hoity-toity cultural critic.
I've gotten "condescending" a million times, and that's not good.
You have to get the second season by acquiescing to a third season.
It's easy to see that two people might come up with that same idea.
Sketches have characters, exits, entrances and are vastly different.
I also try to think of ways to articulate the joke more economically.
You cannot win a War on Terrorism. It's like having a war on jealousy.
Originally they wanted me to be Buster but I really like the Tobias part.
I think people, for the most part, actually want what they think is best.
Florida was the low point.The entire state, yep. I'm not sure I'd go back.
I remember being a kid and the Vietnam War was huge and looking at Watergate.
Besides if people really want to support the troops they would vote democrat.
I know Dave [Attel] and we're friendly, and I have nothing but respect for him.
I have no hesitation doing children's movies. Zero. And I don't even have kids.
I'm concerned about organized religion getting away with what it gets away with.
I read the New York Times, and if I'm in a different city, I'll skim that paper.
The underpinning of immigration concerns is xenophobia and racism and nationalism.
I just often find myself getting shrill, angry and the jokes get more incredulous.
I'm not a centrist, and there's nothing about me that's centrist. I never have been.
I really don't have a problem with gay marriage... because I'm tolerant and rational.
If you wanna find out 101 things to do with plums, heh, read your in-flight magazine.
I'm a professional comic. Whether you think I'm funny or not, that's, again, subjective.
Nobody is going to be as bad for free thinking, right-minded individuals than George Bush.
I lived in LA for almost nine years and if I never went back there again it would be fine.
There's the disingenuous duplicitousness, but you can apply that to every politician, really.
It's not about trying to be funny all the time. It's more of a document that hopefully is funny.
I don't think HBO would want to do anything in conjunction with Sub Pop but I never asked either.
I've never written jokes. I mean, I'll write things on a piece of paper and riff on them onstage.
I am truly passionate and concerned about the lack of empathy that people show towards one another.
I'd say 95 percent of my audience was white. They were mostly kind of older hipster folks like myself.
I love doing stuff with Todd Barry and Jon Benjamin. We give the stage to good bands and funny people.
The Bible is the funniest book I have ever read. It's so funny! Right in the first six pages, it's funny!
Because you've been on dates where y'know, you forget to open your eyes and wear pants and speak English.
The South has more of a disproportionate amount of irony on T-shirts than any other region in the country.
I'm not going to benefit from free college education, but I think all those things are good for the country.
I hate bumper stickers, you can't sum anything up. All you do is paint yourself in some caricaturist corner.
If people disagree with me and want to articulate it, that's not only their right but almost their obligation.