I don't know if this is an illusion but I would love to be able to take my card-throwing skills and be able to puncture a watermelon. Now I know I can take this question and say, "I would want to solve the economic problems in the world" - but I want to stick that card in that watermelon.

With these Funny or Die videos, I do everything for them. I write them, act in them, and co-direct them with my buddy Brian McGinn, who I grew up with. We also edit them together. We're working on a small scale of Internet videos, but we're slowly trying to make them become a bigger thing.

Once a week I would meet up with the coolest teacher and we'd go over my work. All my friends were like, Soooo... once a week at lunch you meet up with Mr. Schulenberg to talk about poetry. They all thought I was having sex with my teacher. But I really just loved to write and it was a nice outlet.

I went to USC where there's a huge Greek system. The school is in a pretty seedy area, so the only social life is at these fraternities. I never joined one myself, but I had a lot of friends who were in frats and I would go to those parties. I had a healthy dose of being around frat life while I was in school.

I definitely want to start my own production company at some point. I'm actually teaming up with Funny or Die to put together a TV show right now, that I can't really talk about because it's still in the very preliminary stages, but if it pans out this will be the first project under my production company, which I have yet to name.

I was just so nervous every time I was onstage. It took me many, many years to get to the point where I realized, 'All right, if I'm going to keep doing this, I've gotta remember that it's supposed to be fun. I've gotta stop putting so much pressure on myself, because otherwise, it's not worth it.' And I still am too critical of myself.

I'm trying to avoid any more asshole roles, at least for a little bit. The main criteria for me when choosing a project is a good director. I just want to work with these guys that I admire because I do want to direct my own films one day, and I want to pick their brains to see what their process is like, and see what I can take from that.

I burned down my dorm room freshman year. I was that kid. When you live in small quarters with two guys, the smell in the room starts to take over a little bit. So we decided we wanted our room to smell like fresh baked cookies. So we order a cookie-dough-scented candle off eBay, and then we accidentally burn our room down with that candle.

I think that I probably break on set more than I make other people break. I've realized recently that, in my everyday social life, I'm a very easygoing person, but when it comes to work, I'm pretty type - A. I'm very focused and I take it maybe too seriously sometimes. So, when I'm on set, even when there are really funny people that I'm in the scenes with, I'm generally good at not breaking too often.

What I realized with Funny or Die is that I could take it into my own hands. On a much smaller scale, I think these videos are an accurate representation of who I am. As weird as they may be, I'm at least proud of them, and it showed that I do have a slightly different voice. I can't tell you how often people bring up these videos in interviews, and I'm so happy to talk about them because we created them from the ground up.

When I'm improvising, I'm out of my head. I've done a lot of projects recently where there hasn't been a script. It's all been based on outlines. At first, that's terrifying, just because you don't have the words in front of you and you don't know how it's going to come out, but that's what's really exciting about it. You don't know what's going to happen. It really forces you to listen to the other people, and I think the most natural acting comes out of that.

There's always the day where you do the effort noises, so there's a lot of grunts, huffing and puffing, pretending like you're hopping over things, pretending like you're getting hit, and pretending like you're kicking. If any of that was recorded, it's some of the silliest stuff I'll ever do, as an actor, but it's fun and liberating, in a way, 'cause no one can see me. I videotape myself doing it sometimes, to send to my friends just to remind us how ridiculous our jobs are.

As much as I love acting and I hope to be doing it for a long time, it almost feels more natural for me to be a producer. I came into all of this because I'm a fan of movies and I wanted to find any way I could to be a part of it all. I happened to take the acting route but it could have been a million different ways in. Now that I'm producing it's just really fun for me to work with people that I really admire and put people together who I think will work well together. Just having a little more control.

I'm always trying to find that role that will allow me to stretch and play a lot of different sides, but it's hard. To be frank, as an actor, I read maybe a hundred scripts a year and I really strongly respond to probably two, but every other actor in town responds to those two scripts, as well. It's hard to land those roles that are really good because they're coveted. That's why I try to create for myself, and that's why I've been doing things outside of acting, like writing and producing. I try to not have to depend on other people so much.

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