I stop fighting my inner demons. We're on the same side now. T-shirt

I was just passing by. Saw the commotion. Figured you were involved.

I went down like a drunken cowgirl trying to line dance to Metallica.

Death comes to those who wait. And to those who don't. So either way.

If life hands you lemons,keep them. Because, hey, free lemons.-T-Shirt

Looks like macho boy's cool just melted like a Slush Puppie in August.

That boy needs a hobby." "Stalking is a hobby." "So is serial killing.

Okay, I'll strip. I'll tap dance. I'll sing 'La Cucaracha' in C minor.

I'd have a longer attention span if there weren't so many shiny things.

There is nothing to fear but fear itself. And spiders. ~Bumper sticker~

Life is not about finding yourself. It's mostly about chocolate. T-Shirt

Who knew that all this time the nectar of the Gods was in my va-jay-jay.

If I couldn't be a good example, I'd just have to be a horrible warning.

I may not look like much, but I'm an expert at pretending to be a ninja.

Dude,” I said, leaning over the desk, “I’m about as psychic as a carrot.

I love children, but I don't think I can eat a whole one.- Bumper sticker

Cook, at that moment in time, I would have sold my body for a mocha latte

Reyes Farrow. Because perfection is a dirty job, but someone has to do it.

Paperwork wouldn’t be so bad if it weren’t for all the paper. And the work.

Man, I want to be someone's forbidden fruit." "Well, you are pretty fruity.

Who is Dr. A. von Holstein? And is he related, by chance, to a race of cows?

A Nuns Life: Chastity, poverty, and obedience. Wait, chastity?" BUMPER STICKER

He was like chocolate-covered heroin, and I was an addict through and through.

Love was not only blind, it often careened into Blithering Idiotsville as well.

I’m currently unsupervised It frisks me out too but the possibilities are endless

When life hands you lemons say, "Lemons? What else have you got?" - bumper sticker

I was white. Chalk had more color than I did. And quite possibly more personality.

But we'd never really seen eye to eye. Mostly 'cause he was much taller than I was.

What did one say to a stalker? Um, pardon me, Mr.Stalker, but could you, like, not?

I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger. - T-SHIRT

Since I had a soft spot for zombies and my curiosity was killing me, I opted for plan Z.

Man, that woman was quick when she wanted to be. But put her behind the wheel of a Buick.

Never knock on death's door. Ring the doorbell then run. He totally hates that. - T-shirt

The point is, stories can be all lengths. Never underestimate the power of “less is more.

Somebody has to be sane during regular business hours, and it's not going to be me, missy.

Come here often?' I asked instead, humoring no one but myself. So it was totally worth it.

I had a horrible feeling my leg was broken. If it wasn’t, it had a lot of explaining to do.

Let me express how much I don't care on a scale of one to bite me," the former detective said.

Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong. -T-Shirt

He seemed determines, his resolve unwavering. This would take tact. Prudence. Possible Milk Duds.

God I loved Sammy. I’d considered marrying him, but his wife got upset when I asked for his hand.

There was nothing like a trip to the gynecologist to make one feel just a little violated. Charley

My powers of persuasion are only as strong as the bullshit I have to back it up. - Charley Davidson

An integral part of any best friend's job is to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

I have depth. I've read Proust. No, wait, that was Pooh. Winnie the Pooh. My bad" Charley Davidson.

If I was going to go out tonight, I was going to go out fighting. Or screaming in agony. Either way.

I should’ve known the day was going to turn out bad when it started with my father trying to kill me

Want coffee?" I asked, as I headed that way. "It's three thirty in the morning." "Okay. Want coffee?

He said you sparkle like a newborn galaxy and have more attitude than a rich kid with his daddy's Porsche.

I may not have any skeletons in my closet, but I do have a little box of souls in my sock drawer. —T-SHIRT

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