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I was just unhappy - and lonely at times. There was always that other side of me nagging away, bringing me down. The anger. Even after good games, I just went home and looked at the bad points. It was just nuts.
I'm aware of my value as a player, of course. But do I need to buy a holiday home that I'm only going to use two weeks every year? Course not. It's a waste. Why not give the money to people who could do with it.
Teams do not make their debut in the first XI - individuals do - but it is the team that enables the individual to get the best out of himself. Football IQ, I call it, understanding roles and the team structure.
I knew I needed to move away when I was 15, but when I got to Norwich, I spent nights crying myself to sleep with homesickness. For any young kid moving away from home, that is the biggest thing you have to deal with.
I joined Norwich when I was 15 and moved away from a life living on an estate in Cardiff and everything I knew. I moved away from my girlfriend, who is my wife now, and my nan, who has now passed away. I missed a lot.
I see myself as a different sort of Welsh. Because we are from Cardiff, we see Wales as Cardiff. This is Wales; outside Cardiff is beyond. It's a strange one. You are really Welsh, but you're not, if you know what I mean.
I started to realise I am not as strong as others, and I can't muscle someone off the ball who is twice the size of me. So I have altered my game, playing on the half-turn, for example, and it's made me a much better player.
As a professional, you're taught from a young age to despise losing. But I began to accept that, in football, you will win some games, and you will lose some games, with draws here and there, too. That's just the nature of the game.
I've always had this crazy thought that I have to win something; otherwise, my career's a complete failure. It's ridiculous. Will a trophy change me as a person? No. Will it make me a better player? No. So what the hell am I worried about?
When I left Liverpool, my aim was to get into the top six, and I was looking for a team that could get involved at that level. West Ham were brilliant at the time. They'd signed a lot of players, had a lot of money. But they've had problems since then.
My brother is gay - he's a couple of years older than me, and I could not be more proud of him. It was right for him. If a player was going through something similar at a younger age, I feel I would be understanding because I was there to watch it with my brother.
Before, I would spend all my hours at training, come home, sleep, eat, watch football, sleep, and go back to training the next day. Now I do the school run, train, pick up my daughter. I am living in the real world. I am a father now. That has given me more satisfaction than football.