Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
Snooker is just chess with balls.
A sense of humour is common sense dancing.
Fiction is life with the dull bits left out.
John McEnroe has hair like badly turned broccoli.
Stop worrying, nobody gets out of this world alive.
An education without a Bible education is no education.
All I can do is turn a phrase until it catches the light.
The key to effective teaching is to remember how you learned.
A luxury liner is really just a bad play surrounded by water.
Whoever called snooker 'chess with balls' was rude, but right.
Whoever called snooker "chess with balls" was rude, but right.
Arnold Schwarzenegger looks like a brown condom full of walnuts.
A sceptic finds Dallas absurd. A cynic thinks the public doesn't
You can never get a woman to sit down and listen to a drum solo.
Sick of being a prisoner of my childhood, I want to put it behind me.
Delivering the State of the Union? That bloke couldn't deliver pizza.
All intellectual tendencies are corrupted when they consort with power.
The Canadian version of Julius Caesar's memoirs? I came, I saw, I coped.
Mocking Hugh Hefner is easy to do, and in my mind should be made easier.
As a work of art, it reminds me of a long conversation between two drunks
You should never trust anyone who listens to Mahler before they're forty.
It is only when they go wrong that machines remind you how powerful they are.
You can't be young always. The day will come when everything will fall apart.
John McEnroe looks as if he is serving round the edge of an imaginary building.
Generally it is our failures that civilize us. Triumph confirms us in our habits.
All honest labor becomes easy; it only becomes hard when done with unwillingness.
A life without fame can be a good life, but fame without a life is no life at all.
Like a Volvo, Bjorn Borg is rugged, has good after-sales service, and is very dull.
First-rate science fiction was, and remains, more interesting than second-rate art.
Jack Aubrey is a tremendous tower of strength and you always want to read about him.
Disco dancing is just the steady thump of a giant moron knocking in an endless nail.
I've only got a fraction of the energy I once had, but I think I probably use it better.
Experts say men think of sex every 10 seconds... What do they think of in the other nine?
The inevitable effect of a biographer's hindsight is to belittle the subject's foresight.
Even in moments of tranquility, Murray Walker sounds like a man whose trousers are on fire.
Everyone has a right to a university degree in America, even if it's in Hamburger Technology.
Men never sound more stupid than when they're telling you they're a very complex personality.
She was good at playing abstract confusion in the same way that a midget is good at being short.
I saw the film Pearl Harbour and it made me wish that the Japanese had bombed Hollywood instead!
Anyone afraid of what he thinks television does to the world is probably just afraid of the world.
It's my mission to tell the Australians from abroad in my work that Australia is a wonderful place.
Not everyone who wants to make a film is crazy, but almost everyone who is crazy wants to make a film.
Beyoncé and pathos are strangers. Amy Winehouse and pathos are flatmates, and you should see the kitchen.
Little books are the things to write at my age, I've decided. Avoid the big ones, go for the little ones.
They had a... dog called Bluey. A know psychopath, Bluey would attack himself if nothing else was available.
I work on the assumption, or let it be the fear, that the reader will stop reading if I stop being interesting.
A loose horse is any horse sensible enough to get rid of its rider at an early stage and carry on unencumbered.
The British secret service was staffed at one point almost entirely by alcoholic homosexuals working for the KGB
Every sentence he manages to utter scatters its component parts like pond water from a verb chasing its own tail.
The rattle of plastic keys reminds me of a squadron of butterflies failing to fight their way out of a paper bag.