Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
Artistically I'm curious. But in life? No. I can go to a restaurant and order the same thing for 10 years.
Smart is knowing if you're dumb. Knowing when to shut up and to listen to people that are smarter than you.
I love my life, but I don't think I'm any happier than my younger brother Andre, who drives a garbage truck.
Now that I have children, I realize taking care of my children is more fun than anything in the whole world.
When you've been on a ghetto diet your entire life, you're just happy to get a large soda instead of a medium.
You know you're rich when you have to drive for a half hour to get to your house once you're on your property.
Black movies don't have real names, they have names like Barbershop. That's not a name, that's just a location.
Black History Month is in the shortest month of the year, and the coldest-just in case we want to have a parade
I ain't shootin' nobody. So call me a faggot! When the war's over, I'll be the faggot with two legs, thank you!
Whenever I go out with other married couples, I like to bring along a single crackhead. Just to spice things up.
Dude, I didn't say Jude Law can't act. I didn't say Jude Law was in bad movies. I just said he's in every movie.
You just got to be really logical when you're a comedian - to a fault. Like a lawyer's got to believe in the law.
No matter what kind of backgrounds two men are from, if you go, 'Hey, man, women are crazy,' you've got a friend.
My mother is the kind of woman you don't want to be in line behind at the supermarket. She has coupons for coupons.
Stand-up is the only career like that where once you get really big at it, people kind of encourage you not to do it.
Comedians tend to find a comfort zone and stay there and do lamer versions of themselves for the rest of their career.
Before I was a comedian, I thought the coolest thing that would happen to me was being a teenager... Boy, was I wrong!
Give me a black man, a white woman, a giraffe, a zebra anything but another white man! That last one f***ed up my roof!
When people try to read between the lines - critics, they have a job. Their job is to make something bigger than it is.
I see guys who can't make 10 percent of what I make, and yet they have four Bentleys, three houses, and four bodyguards.
I'm severely overrated. I'm just above a hack. That should be the name of my new DVD: 'Chris Rock: Slightly Above Hack'.
Right now, my job is that I'm like an ambulance chaser. I've got to look for movies with white guys falling out of them.
I'm a rap comedian the same way Bill Cosby is a jazz comedian, Cosby's laid back. I'm like, bang, bang bang, right into it.
Most people don't realize this, but you can eat organic, all natural, gluten-free food without telling everyone around you.
Charlie Brown is the one person I identify with. C.B. is such a loser. He wasn't even the star of his own Halloween special.
I'm a big fan of Katt Williams, Jim Gaffigan, Louie CK, Margaret Cho, Kathy Griffin, Rich Vas, Joey Vega and Matt Claybrooks.
Though part of me had always wanted to be a comedian, another part of me had always wanted to be Bryant Gumbel or Dan Rather.
Remember when we was young, everybody used to have these arguments about who's better, Michael Jackson or Prince? Prince won!
I just love New York. New York has energy, it has culture, New York is very diverse. There's not a better place in the world.
People want what they want. And I guess that is a reason we have this big credit card problem and a lot of these foreclosures.
I never had the confidence to say I was going to be in front of the camera as a comedian until I saw Eddie Murphy years later.
If you told me two years I would miss the greatest basketball game ever to hang out with Nathan Lane, I'd say, 'You're crazy!'
I was bused to a school in Gerritsen Beach in Brooklyn in 1972. I was one of the first black kids in the history of the school.
I think all the funny people were bullied. When they talk about outlawing bullying, it's like, what? You want no Comedy Central?
Just to be clear, Ray Rice was not fired for beating his wife. He was fired because a video of him beating his wife was released.
I love having somebody there - that companion thing. You know who you're going to eat with, who you're going to see a movie with.
You can write a great country record and still be angry. Who's angrier than Toby Keith? He's angrier than the average 10 rappers.
Who's judging American Idol? Paula Abdul? Paula Abdul judging a singing contest is like Christopher Reeve judging a dance contest!
I want to really take chances. I want to be funny in a lot of different ways. I'd like to be great. I want to reach for greatness.
Everyone has favorite criminals. Mine are pimps. We can all rob a bank; we can all sell drugs. Being a pimp is a whole other thing.
You know those guys that go to the strip club at the daytime? If you're at a strip club, and the sun is out, you got some problems!
You know the world is messed up when the tallest man in the NBA is Chinese, the best golfer is black, and the best rapper is white.
One of my daughters told me the other day, "Kevin Hart is funnier than you, Daddy." I told her, "Does Kevin Hart make you pancakes?"
Being a comedian is a lot like being an athlete. If you're Carl Lewis and you're the fastest, then no matter what you're the fastest.
Shaq is rich. The white man who signs his check... is wealthy. "Ah, here you go, Shaq. Go buy yourself a bouncing car. Bling, bling!"
You can never make a woman happy, it's impossible. I've never met a happy woman in my life. They're always complaining about something.
The Democrats should have an empty chair on stage for the entire DNC, and when anyone asks who it belongs to, they can say Osama bin Laden.
You'd got a baseball game, or a football game, basketball game, "USA! USA! USA!" Hey, calm down! Got a little German on it, don't you think?
If you want to prevent abortions, you make sure everyone has health care, a high school education and birth control. Not the exact opposite.