Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
I live way below my means.
George Bush hates midgets.
Hollywood's just not funny.
I believe you got my property?
Pretty girls have problems too.
I think it's better to have ideas.
The U.S government hates rap music
I do what I can do when I can do it.
Welcome to the 77th and last Oscars.
Carol Leifer is funny, really funny.
God bless America. And no place else.
No, I want big ol' titties in my face!
Men do not settle down. Men surrender.
You don't pay taxes - they take taxes.
Money is the best lotion in the world.
Men lie the most. Men lie all the time.
I love black people, but I hate niggers.
A man is only as faithful as his options.
Comedy is a group activity, a verbal orgy.
You got a gun, you don't have to work out.
I don't need a president with a bucket list!
There's bad and then there's EDDY CURRY BAD.
Men are only as unfaithful as their options.
Kennedy didn't beat Nixon. Satire beat Nixon.
Men lie the most, women tell the biggest lies.
I mean no disrespect to anything I did before.
I'm severely overrated. I'm just above a hack.
Comedy is the blues for people who can’t sing.
Stop the violence! Can't we all just get along?
I pray there's a God...I know there's an Oprah.
There's math, and everything else is debatable!
My first year on 'SNL', I made $90,000 dollars.
My movies are okay, but they're not my specials.
I have my own demons and dark moods. It's weird.
Anything you can suck at should make you nervous.
You know what GED stands for? Good Enough Diploma.
I love being famous. It's almost like being white.
I think anybody in front of a crowd is a comedian.
I think my best work is when I'm kind of in charge.
America is the greatest country in the whole world.
You can only offend me if you mean something to me.
Kids always act up the most before they go to sleep.
Oprah is so rich, I saw John Kerry proposing to her.
When I do stand-up, I'm basically doing a one-man show.
A black Christian is like a black person with no memory.
By the time I was 7 or 8, I wanted to be a comedy writer.
I'm an independent, but I got to admit I lean Democratic.
Eddie Murphy is to comedians what Nicki Minaj is to Spanx.
If you’re a black Christian, you have a real short memory.
You don't need a critic to tell you people aren't laughing.