Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
Creativity saved me.
I'm a dummy from New Jersey.
I am scared of horror movies.
I've always been really open onstage.
I do not like confrontations in New York City.
No one in New York hangs out in their apartments.
I'm just trying to do my part before I get hit by a bus.
No aspect of my brief and mild fame actually made me happier.
As far as comedy goes, I'm endlessly inspired by Jo Firestone.
You don't often see vulnerability on TV, especially talk shows.
Maria Bamford is someone who's really inspired me in a big way.
I think there's enough TV that makes people feel dumb out there.
To a crowd that loves improv, Robin Williams is like Chuck Berry.
I quit drinking in 2002, mere months before my college graduation.
I'm not exactly Don Draper when it comes to physical attractiveness.
If I pretended to be confident all the time, that would just be a lie.
What all my favorite comedians have in common is extraordinary honesty.
The one-word story about why I have a chip on my shoulder is 'bullying.'
I will say I miss teaching improv way more than I miss performing improv.
The bad you see in N.Y.C. is troubling to know when it rears its ugly head.
Both creatively and organizationally, being medicated has helped me immensely.
We've switched to text messages, we do anything we can to avoid being on the phone.
The thing that I like about public-access is that I am often in the middle of chaos.
Part of North Jersey life is that everyone is obsessed with being tough all the time.
Public transportation is like a magnifying glass that shows you civilization up close.
I think you can make good things happen if you look for them. Life is a very positive thing.
I think there's too many gay jokes in comedy and not enough honest explorations of sexuality.
Many comedians - both male and female - do have an "I will never date another comedian" rule.
Mania is fun. I won't lie, it's fun. But it's usually followed by a soul-crushing depression.
We don't judge people for dying in car crashes. But we do judge people when they die of suicide.
I'm very happy with my decision to go sober. It's helped my life. It's helped my mental stability.
I feel like a lot of performers' worst shows happened in Philly. There's something about that town.
I think comics do need permission to fail. I think comics do need permission to go up and try stuff.
I didn't like who I was. I spent a lot of my life regretting who I was, which is a sad thing to say.
I take medications every morning and night - they're my breakfast, and they're my dessert. I love them.
I do know I've lived through a bunch of things that people would maybe prefer I keep behind closed doors.
I have no desire to get on a soapbox or be preachy. I don't think comedy needs to be 'brave' or 'important.'
The best advice I've gotten in terms of that was someone who said, "People will surprise you if you let them."
Any notable moments spent on a subway usually do nothing more than expose human awfulness at its most pronounced.
You need an immense amount of luck and perseverance to even be on the playing field for success on a grand scale.
I would say that in the past year I have had to begrudgingly admit that I am finally a success of some level, sure.
The world of entertainment is built for big money. It's not built for small-scale projects that sustain themselves.
Cops are everywhere in New York City. Cars drive by every few minutes. Uniforms stand nonchalantly at street corners.
If you are a New York comedian who knows how to improvise and has glasses, you're going to start getting commercials.
'What if?' is just about the worst question I can ask myself, and I want to avoid it at all costs for the rest of my life.
When you try to go back and watch improv on tape, it almost never feels as good as it did when a crowd was laughing at it.
I just like testing myself. I just have that thing in me. Whatever it is that people tell me I can't do, I've gotta try it.
Having money didn't make me less of a socially incapable loser; it just made me a socially incapable loser who wasn't in debt.
Bits are fake conversations comedians have because they are uncomfortable being vulnerable with other human beings in any way.
If you are dating someone in New York City, and they invite you over to watch a movie, they don't really want to watch a movie.