Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
Well, I don't know how astute I am, but I did want to be a journalist when I was growing up.
We all get where we're going by circuitous journeys, and some of the setbacks are warranted.
I always preferred working with somebody so I could look into their eyeballs and play tennis.
I do the 'New York Times' crossword puzzle every morning to keep the old grey matter ticking.
I had always been quiet and studious in school. I was the high school editor of the newspaper.
I love 'Modern Family.' And I love 'Glee' - the singing, the music - Jane Lynch just kills me.
I can't tell a joke to save my soul. It's just not my thing, though I love to listen to jokes.
I don't remember a time when I wasn't waiting for a scab either to grow or to fall off my knee.
It all happened the way it was supposed to. I wouldn't change anything. I had such a great run.
My interesting diet tips are eat early and don't nosh between meals. I mean, I can pack it away.
I have an iPhone, and I can text, and I can use the phone, and I can even take pictures with it.
I was kind of shy as a kid. I was a pretty good student. I was a wallflower, or nerd, if you will.
I'm really not that funny in real life. But I am the best audience one could find. I love to laugh.
I'm really not that funny in real life! But I am the best audience one could find. I love to laugh.
If you want to know the feeling [of labor pain], just take your bottom lip and pull it over your head.
Originally, I came from Texas, and we lived on - I guess you'd call it welfare, what we called relief.
I'm not always optimistic. You wouldn't have all cylinders cooking if you were always like Mary Poppins.
I couldn't get the laughter out of my head. It wasn't career. It wasn't even a choice. It was a calling.
You do have to love your kids enough to let them hate you. But it's the disease that's hating you, not them.
The first time someone said, 'What are your measurements?' I answered, '37, 24, 38 - but not necessarily in that order.'
What I do when I write is I just write the way I would tell it, so it comes out just exactly the way I would talk to you.
I have always grown from my problems and challenges, from the things that don't work out, that's when I've really learned.
I never regretted turning down anything, I never regretted losing a job because I always felt something else was out there.
As far as sitcoms go, I thought Jenna Elfman in 'Dharma and Greg' was a wonderful physical comedienne who had great timing.
I always felt that I was more of an actress than a - I can't tell a joke to save my soul, but that I was a comedic actress.
My preference is for people who can do sketch comedy or situational comedy, where it's not a joke, but it's telling a story.
I didn't really get comfortable until I got to UCLA, and I had to take an acting course because I was studying theater arts.
Steve Martin in 'All of Me,' when he did that whole thing where he was possessed by the spirit in his body? It was brilliant.
Edgy is fine - I'm not a prude by any stretch of the imagination - but what's wrong with a good ol' belly laugh? I miss that.
I do think there are some great female comics: Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, Kristen Wiig, Maya Rudolph. They're the whole ball of wax.
I struggled for a while, but when I was cast in an Off Broadway show called 'Once Upon a Mattress,' that kind of put me on the map.
Daddy, when he drank, just became sweeter. There wasn't a mean thought in his body. I've always said he was like a drunk Jimmy Stewart.
I've always been able to recount things and I have a really good memory about dialog and what people have said before and this and that.
I've always been able to recount things, and I have a really good memory about dialog and what people have said before and this and that.
You have to go through the falling down in order to learn to walk. It helps to know that you can survive it. That's an education in itself.
It costs a lot to sue a magazine, and it's too bad that we don't have a system where the losing team has to pay the winning team's lawyers.
I wish my mother had left me something about how she felt growing up. I wish my grandmother had done the same. I wanted my girls to know me.
I was once asked to do my Tarzan yell at Bergdorf Goodman, and a guard burst in with a gun! Now I only do it under controlled circumstances.
I don't watch sitcoms. I really don't. My problem with them is they take so long to film them that there's no spontaneity. I want to see that.
People invite me to dinner not because I can cook, but because I like to clean up. I get immediate gratification from windex. Yes, I do windows.
I was raised going to the movies with my grandmother as a kid. And then I'd come home, and my best friend and I would act out the films that we saw.
On the good days, my mother would haul out the ukulele and we'd sit around the kitchen table - it was a cardboard table with a linoleum top - and sing.
What I like to write about is stuff I know. I don't think I could write a novel. I don't think I have it in me to come up with those kinds of characters.
I am not a person who yells at all, but I realized that I have always felt so good after doing the Tarzan yell, after doing Charo, or screaming as Eunice.
I love the writing. I love the idea of typing and seeing it on the computer and printing it out myself and, you know, moving sentences around. I like that.
Funny is funny. I dare anyone to look at Tim Conway and Harvey Korman doing the dentist sketch, which is more than 40 years old, and not scream with laughter.
But I didn't ask to have somebody nose around in my private life. I didn't even ask to be famous. All I asked was to be able to earn a living making people laugh.
My favorite is doing the television show, as a variety show, every week. If the show wasn't that great one week, we could always come back and apologize, you know?
It's not a bad thing to be able to do many things onstage. If you're an entertainer, you should be able to entertain. I'm proud to say that I'm not a one-trick pony.
I've always been optimistic. And I have a feeling that it happened because of going to all those movies with my grandmother in the '40s because there was no cynicism.