Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
I grew up Mexican.
I am an extremist.
I hate being judged.
My birth name is Ned Mencia.
It's not hard to lose weight.
Do not encourage my behaviour.
I have 11 sisters and 6 brothers.
I am a sponge. I don't write things down.
If you aren't laughing, you aren't living!
We celebrate Labor Day by not going to work?
If you ain't laughing, you ain't living, baby.
I don't do anything out of negativity anymore.
I worked as a comedian for 23 years, 51 weeks a year.
Racism is exclusion, that's why I make fun of everybody.
America is such a great country, we have fat poor people.
Know your religion, know who you are and don't be ashamed.
I choose to live in a positive world and a positive presence.
Like my father I, too, was born in Central America - Nebraska.
Why are we rebuilding New Orleans? Whose idea was this, Aquaman?
Hurricane Katrina was caused by political correctness. I said it!
When the comedy community turned on me, I had a lot of reflecting to do.
I'm not white, I don't apologize for what my country did to become great
People that love me, love me. But the people that hate me really hate me.
The essence of what makes life beautiful is the fact that it can go away.
Ten comics can say the same joke, and I'm the one who gets called a thief.
I can't imagine how unbelievable it would be to go to the Great Barrier Reef.
I grew up in the projects and I know how important it is for kids to have hope.
We don't grow as human beings from good things happening. We grow from failures.
When somebody says that a comic steals jokes, it's the ultimate betrayal of comedy.
I don't need anybody, I'm successful in life enough to buy myself a f'ing sandwich.
The problem with the world is there's too many stupid people and nobody to eat them.
Here, let's go to my dressing room, and I promise, I'll only put it in for a second.
I am frail like everyone else, and I take that into account when I talk about things.
When I'm performing for 4,000, 5,000 people, it's a show. It's a rock n' roll concert.
In this pessimistic world, especially in America, a positive outlook is very necessary.
I've dated many women at the same time. But I told them. I didn't keep any secrets from them.
I'll know America is in bad shape when Cubans in Miami get in the water and swim back to Cuba.
I'm glad Hurricane Katrina happened. It taught us an important lesson: black people can't swim.
What I say is stupid. Who takes a comedian seriously? I'm doing sophisticated knock-knock jokes.
I'm like most people in America. I'm conservative on some things, and I'm liberal on other things.
Here's what I know about the business I am in. It's all based on money. It's all based on ratings.
I was a very cocky and unlikable young comic. But I came from the hood, and that's what I learned.
God has a sense of humor. If you don't believe me, tomorrow go to wal-mart and just look at people.
When it comes to my daughter, I'm a conservative. But when it comes to your daughter, I'm a liberal!
Why did the 14-year old Mexican girl end up pregnant? Because her teacher told her to go do an essay.
I am a product... I'm a comedian. I'm not curing cancer. In the end, I tell jokes. I make people laugh.
If God made Adam and Eve, they had children... wait a minute... that means someone banged their sister!
If I've got a black joke, and I can't tell it in Oakland, then I shouldn't tell the joke anywhere else.
When women can't climax, it's our fault, but when we can't get an erection, we have to go to the doctor.
When I was born, I was given to my uncle and aunt to raise as their kid because they couldn't have kids.