Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
I really like maths.
Don't worry, I'm hilarious.
Love is all about... whistles.
I don't interact with people much.
I do weird things, and people watch.
Where are all the sour patch parents?
Music is really, really mathematical.
I fully embrace myself as a hypocrite.
I just like to write and then perform.
Was Einstein's theory good? Relatively.
I just have a problem with youth culture.
The average person has one Fallopian tube.
I get more ass than a giant donkey stable.
When life gets you down, make a comforter!
Your hard work and talent will not pay off.
I always wanted to be a comedian and actor.
Uncharted territory is a good place to be in.
Please don't stick with me if I start sucking.
I have no real want or need to be a movie star.
If Jesus can walk on water, can he swim on land?
When I tried to hit puberty I swung and I missed.
I chose to do comedy instead of going to college.
I don't really care about capitalizing on momentum.
I never said I was funny, OK, so stop staring at me.
My success, literally, is your success figuratively.
I'm a drunken midget with a loaded gun, a loaded gun.
I love you like a gay geneticist loves designer genes.
Do you guys like impressions? "Why?" That was Socrates.
Drugs kill, just like cancer. So don't smoke... tumors.
Laughter is the best medicine, y'know, besides medicine.
I saw a giraffe with a short neck That was sad Or a deer
Even in movies like 'Superbad,' they're all lovable kids.
All you god damn dirty Catholics can cath-o-lick my balls.
I got a safe full of cherries 'cause I pop it and lock it.
And two balls minus one, six titles at the tour de France.
What do you call a kid with no arms and an eyepatch? Names.
What's a pirate minus the ship? just a creative homeless guy
Even if he is your friend, never, ever call an Asian person.
Is there anything better than pussy? Yeah, a really good book.
I'm still a kid in his bedroom, writing songs and playing them.
I met a bipolar bear. He laughed, cried, then wanted a threesome.
Women are like fingers and toes because they're easy to count on.
Do unto others as you would have them do to you, said the rapist.
I stopped and I thought, 'What would Jesus do?' So I didn't exist.
If your belief is hateful towards people, I couldn't respect that.
For fifteen cents a day you can feed an African, they eat pennies.
Bitches and hoes don't exist because the hoes know Bo's a feminist.
I like to call everyone that I find slightly annoying a 'sociopath.'
I'm grateful for every stupid mistake and dumb joke I tried to make.
Back home they call me the tie-dye shirt kid. Well, that and faggot.