Quotes by Billy Gardell - Page 1

Sometimes WRONG is worth the FUNNY!
Billy Gardell / Comedian
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I mean, yeah, I want to lose some weight! I'm doing the best I can.
Billy Gardell / Comedian
Mean
Want
Weight
Yeah
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I always like to find those little mom-and-pop sandwich places, or diners. Those are my favorite kind of places.
Billy Gardell / Comedian
Mom
Diners
Sandwiches
Sandwich
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I chewed up a lot of Florida highway when I was starting out. Used to come to Tampa two or three times a year for about 10 years straight.
Billy Gardell / Comedian
Florida
Tampa
Two
Years
Chewed
Highway
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I'm from Minnesota! I used to work Knuckleheads at the Mall of America as a stand-up. I spent New Year's there once. I'm not trying to namedrop.
Billy Gardell / Comedian
New Year
America
Minnesota
Trying
Years
Work New America
Mall
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Stand-up will always come first. I've been doing it for 22 years, and nothing compares to that connection you have with the audience. It's euphoric.
Billy Gardell / Comedian
Connections
Euphoric
Firsts
Years
Compares
Connection
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I like those older theaters - the acoustics are perfect, I mean, you just have that feel of there's been a thousand shows in there and now you get to be one.
Billy Gardell / Comedian
Acoustics
Mean
Perfect
Thousand
Theaters
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As a comic, I've heard gunshots while I'm trying to get to sleep. I've performed where people wanted to do you harm after the show because of something you said.
Billy Gardell / Comedian
Comic
Harm
People
Sleep
Trying
Performed
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'Mike & Molly' exists in a world where we don't just say a snarky line, make a crazy face, and walk out of the room. There's actually some tender moments here, too.
Billy Gardell / Comedian
Mike
Exists
Molly
Tender
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And what's great is, you know, while 'Mike and Molly' are working on their health, that's their flaw, the people that surround them are actually- that's the mess. Those two have it together the most.
Billy Gardell / Comedian
Mess
Mike
Surround
Flaw
Molly
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Look, you know, you can't please everybody. I'm a stand-up comic. I know that. It doesn't matter how funny you are and how well you do, there's two people that are going to walk out of there hating you.
Billy Gardell / Comedian
Comic
Hate
People
Please
Two
Hating
Stand-Up Comic
Two People
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Whenever I realize I'm being a goofball, I write it down. When I release the joke onstage, I love watching the effect it has on the audience. No one wants to see someone talk who takes themselves too seriously.
Billy Gardell / Comedian
Realizing
Release
Want
Writing
Effect
Onstage
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I have been a big guy all my life, I am not going to lose a bunch of weight, because then you're like that weird fat person that got skinny but still has a big head. I don't want to do that. So I'm just trying.
Billy Gardell / Comedian
Bunch
Guy
Skinny
Trying
Weight
Fat
All My Life
Big Guy
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I've been trying to watch my weight a bit, but when I come to Las Vegas, all bets are off. I get enough healthy food in L.A. where the food is the size of a quarter and costs $40 - when I'm in Vegas, I want a steak!
Billy Gardell / Comedian
Healthy
Las Vegas
Size
Steak
Trying
Vegas
Weight
Bets
Quarter
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The quickest way to defuse fear or insecurity or anger is usually humor. I think comics figure that out quickly, and, once you figure it out, you think, 'Hey, if I can do this and get paid, that would be kind of cool.
Billy Gardell / Comedian
Insecurity
Thinking
Would Be
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The quickest way to defuse fear or insecurity or anger is usually humor. I think comics figure that out quickly, and, once you figure it out, you think, 'Hey, if I can do this and get paid, that would be kind of cool.'
Billy Gardell / Comedian
Anger
Humor
Be Kind
Hey
Insecurity
Paid
Comics
Figure
Quickest Way
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Yeah, I've done Jim Breuer's radio show a couple times, and I heard from Larry the Cable Guy when I got 'Mike & Molly,' wishing me congratulations. I'm always the last one to the party, man. But that's okay. I got there.
Billy Gardell / Comedian
Congratulations
Couple
Guy
Heard
Larry
Mike
Okay
Party
Radio
Yeah
Show
Cable
Couple Times
Times
Man Me Always
Jim
Molly
Wishing
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You need a wisecracking buddy standing next to you? That's the role for me. You got the guys who are knock-down, drag-out handsome. That's what people want to see. Let that guy be the hero. But there's always a role for the Everyman.
Billy Gardell / Comedian
Buddy
Everyman
Guy
Handsome
Hero
People
Standing
Always Hero Me
Hero Me People
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I come from a working-class family in Pittsburgh, whereas 'Mike & Molly' deals with the working class in Chicago. I swear a little, but I pretty much talk the same. It's not like when you see someone like Tim Allen and he's a lot bluer onstage.
Billy Gardell / Comedian
Chicago
Class
Deals
Mike
Pittsburgh
Swear
Working Class
Allen
Class Family
Molly
Onstage
Tim
Whereas
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You start realizing that maybe you're the one night a month that people have out, and they don't need to hear your political views or how dark you can get. They just want to laugh for an hour and go home. Once I wrapped my head around that, my act evolved accordingly.
Billy Gardell / Comedian
Home
Dark
Night
Realizing
Views
Accordingly
Month
Go Home
Hour
Laugh
Political Views
Wrapped
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You know, I'm playing the Mirage in Vegas, the main room... About 5 percent of all comics end up as the main headliner on the Vegas Strip, so that's a big deal for me. Getting to do my stand-up the way I have this summer is really what I've dreamed of since I was about 10 years old.
Billy Gardell / Comedian
Big Deal
Percent
Summer
Vegas
Years
Me Way Know
Me Way End
Dreamed
Main
Mirage
Strip
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Everybody wants to be a better version of themselves - everybody. And I hope one day I can lose some weight. Maybe, who knows, I'll hire myself a trainer and a fancy cook. In five years, maybe I'll be an action hero. Then again, maybe I'll just be this guy. Who knows? But the fun part is embracing the human side of that.
Billy Gardell / Comedian
Action
Fancy
Five
Fun
Guy
Hero
One Day
Weight
Years
Everybody
Action Hero
Again
Version
Side
Cook
Part
Day
Embracing
Human
Hire
Just Be
Lose
Maybe
Some
Themselves
Trainer
Wants
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And then as I got older, see, I think a lot of times with comics, your life kind of permeates your act. Whatever is happening in your life is what's going on on stage. So if you're angry in your life, then that's going to be on stage. If you're looking for the guy that's just going to make you laugh for an hour and forget about, that's me.
Billy Gardell / Comedian
Angry
Guy
Laughing
Thinking
Life Your Me
Life Angry Me
Happening
Hour
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Billy Gardell Quotes - Page 1

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