Yeah, I think that's sort of the American way. And it's also the Polish way, it turns out.

Every moment that you share someone else's pain, feel what they feel, makes you more human.

Chicks dig me because I rarely wear underwear, and when I do, it's usually something unusual.

I'm just a potato that won't quit. I'm a potato with some legs. Some have eyes, I've got legs.

I smell varmint poontang. And the only good varmint poontang is dead varmint poontang, I think.

I don't know what my fans are going to think. It's definitely not what they're used to from me.

The critics. When they're right, they're right for the wrong reasons. And they're usually wrong.

Totie Fields is one of my benchmarks for a lot of things. There was a standard of show business.

I don't have to take this abuse from you -- I have hundreds of people waiting in line to abuse me!

I realize it's impossible to have any sympathy, I mean, true sympathy, for people that are famous.

I've retired a couple of times. It's great, because you can just say, 'Oh, I'm sorry. I'm retired.'

Here's the thing, you just have to drive a lot faster, and if you don't get there, we're both fired.

To people who want to be rich and famous, I'd say, "Get rich first and see if that doesn't cover it."

I don't know how this guy knew how much money I was making. I didn't know how much money I was making.

That's the reason I'm not the one that's dead because the attraction of the fast life is very powerful.

You know...they say an elephant never forgets. What they don't tell you is, you never forget an elephant.

Awards are meaningless to me, and I have nothing but disdain for anyone who actively campaigns to get one.

I've never made any horrible, horrible movies. If you don't ruin your reputation, you can always get work.

I'm not an alcoholic, I only drink two times a year. When it's my birthday, and when it's not my birthday.

I have a brother who gives socks for Christmas. He gives socks. Every year, I get a pair of socks from him.

Chicago actors are hard-nosed. They're tough on themselves and their fellow actors. They're self-demanding.

Life is a game, and it's much more fun if you play it as your own game, so stay light and loose and relaxed.

The cool part about naming your kid is you don’t have to add six numbers to make sure the name is available.

You don't have to have all this film stock, you can work faster, and you don't need a giant crew. It's great.

One of my gripes about movies is that people take them so seriously, and the moneymaking aspects are so brutal.

'Groundhog Day' was one of the greatest scripts ever written. It didn't even get nominated for an Academy Award.

The automatic things you do are basically those things that keep you from doing the better things you need to do.

I don't really read the reviews, but I remember one a long time ago I read that said that I had a face like a potato.

People usually go through a bad period when they first get successful. You're new and you're hot and things go wrong.

You can handle just about anything that comes at you out on the road with a believable grin, common sense and whiskey.

I've got kids and that's important. It's funny, you think that there's an expiration date on them and there just isn't.

If you have a good script, that's what gets you involved. It's harder to write a good screenplay than to find something.

There are people who drove me crazy, but they got the job done. And when I see that person again, I nod my head. Respect.

Somewhere there's a score being kept, so you have an obligation to live life as well as you can, be as engaged as you can.

Religion is the worst enemy of mankind. No single war in the history of humanity has killed as many people as religion has.

We're Americans! Do you know what that means? It means our forefathers were kicked out of every decent country in the world.

My iPhone has 2 million times the storage of the 1969 Apollo 11 computer. They went to the moon. I throw birds at pig houses

You can tell how boring a person is by the lack of fear in their eyes when someone is flipping through photos on their phone.

The atheists traditionally hold their conventions from Good Friday to Easter Sunday during the hours Christ spent in the grave.

Half of the people in this room are more dressed up than on any other day in the year, and the other half are more dressed down.

The government can destroy wealth but it cannot create wealth, which is the product of labor and management working with creation.

Friendship is so weird. You just pick a human you've met and you're like, 'Yep, I like this one,' and you just do stuff with them.

Drinking again? Go to hell. All I ever do is make some movies that made a lot of money now leave me alone, I want to have some fun.

I think if you can take care of yourself, and then maybe try to take care of someone else, that's sort of how you're supposed to live.

I think all phases of one's career are serious if you take it seriously no matter if you are doing high profile dramatic pieces or not.

And when I told my sons I might be in City of Ember, they said, 'Oh! You're gonna be the mayor?' And I hadn't even read the script yet.

You're supposed to have one hand up and one hand down. As you're trying to going up, you're trying to pull someone up at the same time.

When you see grown men near to tears because they've missed hitting a little white ball into a hole from three feet, it makes you laugh.

You know how funerals are not for the dead, they’re for the living? Bachelor parties are not for the groom, they’re for the uncommitted.

Morocco is the greatest. I should be getting money from the Moroccans because I'm just telling everyone that it's a wonderful place to go.

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