Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
There is no such thing as a moderate Republican anymore.
Republicans look to find the future and they find radio.
The plain fact is: religion must die for mankind to live.
Hollywood isn't your cesspool, America. It's your mirror.
Who takes care of their people better? FEMA or Hezbollah?
Eell there always is a tendency in human nature to deify.
I think the funniest stuff comes from the heaviest stuff.
What is "martinizing" and why does it only take one hour?
The Bible looks like it started out as a game of Mad Libs.
Curious people are intersting people, I wonder why that is.
Atheism is a religion the way abstinence is a sex position.
Let us not become so tolerant that we tolerate intolerance.
The only way for mankind to survive is for religion to die.
Curious people are interesting people; I wonder why that is.
Stand-up is great because I can get everything off my chest.
This is the worst thing to happen to beaches since the Speedo.
Don't you miss the days when America was just morally bankrupt?
Your fuselage shouldn't open more easily than your pretzel bag.
New rule: Tulips aren't flowers. They're some kind of gay onion.
Meat is dirty. I wouldn't touch a hot dog without a condom on it
One of the advantages of atheism is takes so little of your time.
Whatever good religion has done, it has come at a terrible price.
When sex is good theres nothing better, when its bad its not bad.
Kids. They're not easy. But there has to be some penalty for sex.
Remember, guns don't kill people - unless you practice real hard.
When you tolerate intolerance, you're not really being a liberal.
Suicide is man's way of telling God, 'You can't fire me - I quit.'
I never hear terrorists say 'Merry Christmas,' only 'Allahu Akbar'.
This is my question for conservatives: don't you want to live, too?
Heroin may be bad, but it sure as hell hasn't hurt my CD collection.
It just seems like the culture war is over, and the gay kissers won.
I feel like I'm wearing orthopedic shoes, because I stand corrected.
You know what happens when windmills collapse into the sea? A splash.
My wife always has a splitting archetype whenever I want to have sex.
March Madnesss...the only place where you hear 'Kansas is advancing.'
I'm not into western medicine. That to me is a complete scare tactic.
You can't claim you're for peace if you're not willing to disturb it.
The only thing I hate worse than prophecy is self-fulfilling prophecy
Talk to women who've ever dated an Arab man. The results are not good.
Why are the patriots the ones who don't want to spend money on trains?
We don't really have to make fun of religion - it makes fun of itself.
Sarah Palin should not be on vacation. She should be in summer school.
Don't say a woman is crazy just because she runs away from her wedding.
We have the Bill of Rights. What we need is a Bill of Responsibilities.
Religion, to me, is a bureaucracy between man and God that I don't need.
You're not a patriot unless even when you lose, it's still your country.
I don't do heroin myself, but it's done wonders for my music collection.
If we were a dog and God owned us, the cops would come and take us away.
Kids. They're not easy, but there has to be some penalty for having sex.
Clinton left the White House with all the class of an XFL halftime show.