Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
No one can give you any answers. There aren't any. You have to discover for yourself-you must learn to navigate the mystery.
I believe it is our own misperceptions of who we really are that leads to every self-created hell you'll find in this world.
I go to dance clubs...about once a year just to justify the other 364 days I spend in my apartment going 'God, what idiots!'
I, like all artists in Western cultures, am a shaman...come in the guise of a comic...to heal perception by using...'jokes'.
I can't believe a war against drugs when they have anti-drug commercials on TV all day long followed by This Bud is for you.
God has this...hobby. He creates perfection. This world is not perfect. We have to learn to separate illusions from reality.
All day long you see those commercials: 'Here's Your Brain, Just Say No'...and the next commercial is: 'This Bud's For You.'
We killed 6 innocent people, launching 22, I think $3 million apiece missiles on Baghdad...that's a little bit overdoing it.
The world's like a ride in a fairground & when you choose to go on it you think it's real, that's how powerful our minds are
When you're...stepping over a guy on the sidewalk...does it ever occur to you to think, 'Wow. Maybe our system doesn't work?'
That's starting to depress me about UFOs. The fact that they cross galaxies...and always end up in places like Fyfe, Alabama.
You know what I hate about working? Bosses...The very idea that ANYONE could be my boss, well...I think you see the conflict.
Sixteen years I've pounded my head against the mentality of America, which...I'd say it's about an 8th grade emotional level.
I'll tell you how to solve this abortion thing...Those unwanted babies...? Leave about 12 of them on the Supreme Court steps.
Well we looked at all the people in the Bible and we added 'em up all the way back to Adam and Eve, their ages: 12,000 years.
It's you people dying from nothing that are screwed. I got all sorts of neat gadgets waiting for me...oxygen tent, iron lung.
The puppet on the right shares my beliefs, the puppet on the left is more to my liking. Hey...there's one guy holding up both!
...love rather than fear...this radical philosophy is coming from me, an avowed misanthrope...surely there is hope for us all.
I've had seven balls of light come off a UFO...explain to me telepathically we are all one and there's no such thing as death.
You want a better world...? Legalize pot right now. ...end the deficit? Legalize pot right now...biggest cash crop in America.
People are bringing SHOTGUNS to UFO sightings...brings a whole new meaning to that phrase 'You ain't from around here, ar'ya?'
The Voice of Reason is in us all...and everyone can recognize it because it makes sense and everyone benefits from it equally.
Why is pot against the law? It wouldn't be because anyone can grow it, and therefore you can't make a profit off it, would it?
We are one with God and He loves us. Now if that isn't a hazard to this country-How're we gonna keep building nuclear weapons?
The CIA has a plot...they've used before to get rid of world leaders. Only problem...is convincing Hussein...to fly to Dallas.
Surgeon General's warning ought to read: Smoking has been determined t0 cause cancer, heart disease & rednecks with seniority.
This is the idea that has made me...an anonymous figure in America...If you have children here tonight...they are NOT special.
I love talking about Kennedy assassination...a great archetypal example of how totalitarian government...sorry, wrong meeting.
There is a 3rd point of view on the gun control issue - those who I refer to as THE VICTIMS - but they remain strangely silent.
The American dream is a crock. Stop wanting everything. Everyone should wear jeans and have three T-shirts, eat rice and beans.
Pornography is any act that has no artistic merit and causes sexual thoughts...Sounds like almost every commercial on TV to me.
Rock stars hawking Diet Cokes--are demons set loose on the Earth to lower the standards for the perfect & holy children of God!
In Australia...they celebrate Easter the same...by telling our children a giant bunny rabbit...left chocolate eggs in the night
You think when Jesus comes back, he really wants to see a cross? That's like going up to Jackie Onassis with a rifle pendant on.
I used to love to call L.A. when I lived in New York... Is that the Big One I hear in the background? Bye, you lizard scum! Bye!
I'm sorry if any of you are Catholic. I'm not sorry if you're offended, I'm actually just sorry by the fact that you're Catholic.
If you're so pro-life, do me a favour: don't lock arms and block medical clinics. If you're so pro-life, lock arms and block cemeteries.
Sometimes you feel in control, and it's great, but sometimes you just don't feel in control and you really have to struggle to get laughs.
The eyes of fear want you to put bigger locks on your doors, buy guns, close yourself off. The eyes of love, instead, see all of us as one.
They believe the bible is the exact word of God - Then they change the bible! Pretty presumptuous, hu huh? "I think what God meant to say..."
People in the United Kingdom and outside the United States share my bemusement with the United States that America doesn't share with itself.
Let me tell you about gays in the military. I don't want any gay people hanging around me while I'm killing kids. I just don't want to see it.
What strikes me as funny about Elvis is that all the impersonators choose to do the Vegas Elvis; not the young, cool guy, always the bloated fool.
Why do we put people who are on drugs in jail? They're sick, they're not criminals. Sick people don't get healed in prison. You see? It makes no sense.
Why is marijuana against the law? It grows naturally upon our planet. Doesn’t the idea of making nature against the law seem to you a bit . . . unnatural?
I've been on what I call my UFO Tour, which means, like UFOs, I too have been appearing in small southern towns in front of a handful of hillbillies lately.
Go back to bed America, your government is in control again. Go back to bed America... you are free to do as we tell you... you are free to do as we tell you.
I can speak for every guy in this room here tonight. Guys, if you could blow yourselves, ladies, you'd be in this room alone right now. Watching an empty stage.
That's why I always recommend a psychedelic experience because it makes you realize that all you've learned is in fact just learned and not necessarily the truth.
I love the Pope, I love seeing him in his Pope-Mobile, his three feet of bullet proof plexi-glass. That's faith in action folks! You know he's got God on his side.