Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
If you have a question about anything, the answer can be found in a book somewhere in the library.
According to the State of Florida, the person with the gun has the right to defend him or herself.
And so the dentist says 'Rinse.' So you lean over, and you're lookin' at this miniature toilet bowl.
You people are not prepared. You are well educated and you look cute, but that's not going to cut it.
It is a point of pride for the American male to keep the same size jockey shorts for his entire life.
What best defines a child is the total inability to receive information from anything not plugged in.
People should fact check. People shouldn’t have to go through that and shouldn’t answer to innuendos.
Sometimes you try to help people, and it backfires on you, and then they try to take advantage of you.
Sex education may be a good idea in the schools, but I don't believe the kids should be given homework.
I am not afraid of crashing, my secret is . . . just before we hit the ground, I jump as high as I can.
Anyone who has brought up children knows that consistency has absolutely nothing to do with discipline.
Like everyone else who makes the mistake of getting older, I begin each day with coffee and obituaries.
You are not going to 'go forth.' You are going to take that damn hat off and you're going to get a job.
You can't prove somebody is a racist unless they really come out and do the act and is found to be that.
The very first law in advertising is to avoid the concrete promise and cultivate the delightfully vague.
My wife and I have five children and the reason why we have five children is because we do not want six.
The first time I came across the birds and the bees in actual flight, I couldn't identify the formation.
If the audience knows you can be funny when you want to be, they will be willing to wait for that payoff.
People say to me, 'Do you know who you look like?' And I say, 'I'm really tired of looking like that guy.'
Reunited with strawberry, raspberry and blueberry, I am berry, berry happy to be back working with JELL-O.
I love Twitter, but some people use profanity so much that at some point it's like saying, 'Pass the salt.'
Fathers are the geniuses of the house because only a person as intelligent as we could fake such stupidity.
Calculus is one course you can come with to your parents and say, I am dropping it. And they'll understand.
If a white man falls off a chair drunk, it's just a drunk. If a Negro does, it's the whole damn Negro race.
The secret of success is to be like a duck, Smooth and unruffled on top, But paddling furiously underneath.
If you want to be seen, stand up. If you want to be heard, speak up. If you want to be appreciated, shut up.
I think if a 30-year-old Bill Cosby sat on stage with a 72-year-old Bill Cosby, they would enjoy each other.
Never say [to younger people] "that was before your time," because the last full moon was before their time!
I'm a Christian. But Muslims are misunderstood. Intentionally misunderstood. We should all be more like them.
God has not made anything that I know of that pays so much attention to who their father and mother is as us.
If you know two languages, the level of your intelligence is multiplied a hundredfold in other people's eyes.
When I was a child, I was living in the housing projects of Philadelphia. I didn't even have a Christmas tree.
In my old neighborhood, a boy stopped playing when he began to lose his pulse. And then he became the referee.
I often try to tell kids to think about all the people who love you, don't cry over the one person who doesn't.
When you graduate from college, they tell you to follow your dreams. Does anyone say you have to wake up first?
Karl Malden was a good friend of mine, and he said, 'You draw the people to you,' and I guess that's what I do.
What is it about grandparents that is so lovely? I'd like to say that grandparents are God's gifts to children.
You know the only people who are always sure about the proper way to raise children? Those who've never had any.
When a person has a gun, sometimes their mind clicks that this thing will win arguments and straighten people out.
Any man today who returns from work, sinks into a chair, and calls for his pipe is a man with an appetite for danger.
I don't have a clue about the way to achievement, however the way to disappointment is attempting to please everyone.
I think 'I Spy,' still when you look at it, speaks volumes in terms of propaganda for equality. It's just magnificent.
The first-born in every family is always dreaming for an imaginary older brother or sister who will look out for them.
When a person has a gun, sometimes their mind clicks that this thing ... will win arguments and straighten people out.
I'm not sure if my parents had me because they loved me, or because they wanted someone to watch their other children.
If I use the word romance, whether it's my wife or not, it does not mean sex. We can use the word sex when sex is there.
People can be more forgiving than you can imagine. But you have to forgive yourself. Let go of what's bitter and move on.
Pay off your student loan. Even if you don't have a job...Because when you finally get a job you're going to be one of us.
When I look at 55 percent of our black men dropping out of school, how bad off are we going to be when we need some lawyers?
Any husband who says, "My wife and I are completely equal partners," is talking about either a law firm or a hand of bridge.