Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
I love watching TV.
You shoot saltwater in your ass?
I'm insanely close to my sister.
I like people who are predictable.
I am very into making up my own rules.
I just want to get the most money I can.
People get really turned off by feminism.
I am a hot-blooded fire and I am fearless.
Want me to Stevie Wonder my way to the bathroom?
Some men's magazines are just downright offensive.
I've always had my wrist slapped for being myself.
I completely identify as female, believe it or not.
I'm still proud of a lot of my jokes when I started.
Don't feel bad for me. I think I'm, like, so pretty.
Song "Sixteen Going on Seventeen" is actually about syphilis.
My background is in theater. I was a theater major in college.
I like to create stuff. I like to express myself through jokes.
I donated blood today. That's what I call getting an AIDS test.
You know that show 'Teen Mom'? Or if you're from the South, 'Mom.
I'm not extra sensitive to handshakes. I shake hands all the time.
I can't hide my feelings. I'm efficient. I've always been that way.
I tend to eat pretty healthy, though, and I work out - I work out hard.
It was the best night of my life, getting to dance on stage with Madonna!
I call myself a comic.But I started as an actress. I did plays since I was 5.
I really am a chick from Long Island who's just learning along with everyone.
It's really hard for a lot of men to have the woman accomplishing more than them.
Let's all just follow the lead of Glamour, and join forces and lift each other up.
I'll never forget the day I realized I wasn't quite the Ford model I thought I was.
You know what they say: 'Once you go black, your parents don't talk to you anymore.
I say if I'm beautiful. I say if I'm strong. You will not determine my story - I will.
I feel very open with people, and I'm good at disarming them and having conversations.
Happiness can't start with external stuff, whether that's money or success or your body.
My regimen is I wake up, usually around 8:30, brush my teeth, and splash water on my face.
I have gotten death threats - that was scary. But it just made me want to use my voice more.
The last couple of roles I missed out on went to Jennifer Hudson, Jessica Biel and Olivia Wilde.
I only met Joan Rivers once. But when she passed away, it felt like a part of me went away, too.
I always did plays, I got the comedic roles in college ... or, uh, the ones that would get naked.
We had to break up, though. We wanted different things - like he wanted kids and I wanted him to hear.
The moments that make life worth living are when things are at their worst and you find a way to laugh.
I asked for a glass of Chardonnay. And in a 9/11-like twist, they didn't have any. They offered me Pinot.
Nothing good ever happens in a blackout. I've never woken up and been like, 'What is this Pilates mat doing out?'
I am not who I sleep with. I am not my weight. I am not my mother. I am myself. And I am all of you, and I thank you.
I'll never forget how she told us. She took us all out to brunch, and she was like, 'You guys, I'm keeping this one.'
I don't feel any sense of competition at all, and that might be my naïveté, but I don't feel pitted against anyone at all.
I've always been really dark, and drawn to darker humor. Nothing has been forced, and I don't say anything for shock value.
The way that these girls keep themselves skinny is awful, isn't it? By vomiting or using hard drugs - which I can't afford.
I care about what the people I care about think about me. It's a short list, but I really care about what those people think.
He was really into family... He'd never come on the road with me on the weekends 'cause he wanted to spend time with his wife.
I was always like that, at 5 years old, just demanding equality. I thought it could all be fixed if you called attention to it.
I've got a terrible person in me just as much as anybody else, and I think - I like to think I also have a really good person in me.