Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
My husband's chill.
I think Asian men are beautiful.
I think most feminists are very smart.
I have a B.A. from UCLA. In ethnic studies.
When you have a child, you think about your own mortality.
I'll tell you how I balance family and career. I have a nanny.
The more socially conscious you are, the better the work you make.
It's very rare and unusual to see a female comic perform pregnant.
Asian men are the sexiest. They got no body hair from the neck down.
You can't just be crass without being witty. Angry crass is horrible.
I always really loved comedy. It's the only thing I was ever good at.
Stand-up is no bureaucracy. No one can tell me what to do or not to do.
Maternity leave is for women to hide and heal their disintegrating body.
I really loved being pregnant, especially because people treat you so nice.
In order to be the best comic, you have to perform in a wide diversity of rooms.
To be a trophy wife, you have to be a trophy. I am more of a commemorative plaque.
When you're pregnant, you're all gassy, and you're hungry, but then you're nauseous.
I would love to dress like Beyonce: some custom-print, neoprene onesie with no pants.
Comedy has so much to do with honesty, and women can be more open about their emotions.
At the end of the day, I'm not really trying to make a statement with any of my standup.
When you're a mom, you need sparkle to compensate for the light inside of you that has died.
Breastfeeding is this savage ritual that just reminds you that your body is a cafeteria now.
It's very rare that stand-up comics have kids, because once they do, they stop doing stand-up.
My parents emphasized experiential learning - in my family, being adventurous was a sign of maturity.
I think one of the hardest things to talk about as a comic is having money because it's so unrelatable.
My goal is really to just make people laugh with integrity, like, with something that I still find funny.
Women, a lot of the time, are so much funnier than men, but they just choose not to do comedy for a living.
Stand-up comedy is something that you have to strive to do, multiple times a night, every night, to be good.
Writing is the life blood of everything in Hollywood. Without writers, there are no scripts, no acting work.
I think feminism is the worst thing that ever happened to women. Our job used to be no job. We had it so good!
Stand-up will always be my favorite and the most important thing that I do. I view everything else as free money.
I tried being a stay-at-home mom for eight weeks. I like the stay-at-home part. Not too crazy about the mom aspect.
The biggest downside of L.A. is the traffic and parking tickets. They turn me into Michael Douglas in 'Falling Down.'
Some useful advice for all of my Asian-American brothers and sisters - never go paint-balling with a Vietnam veteran.
I think that's one of the reasons women don't tell people when they've had a miscarriage - they think it's their fault.
In Hue, Vietnam, we had savory rice pancakes with crumbled shrimp and pork rinds. I've still never had a version as good.
It's unfair to the hard-core stay-at-home moms to pretend you're able to have an amazing body by chasing around your kids.
A lot of people get into stand-up as a back door into acting or something. But I really like writing jokes and telling jokes.
Every male comedian of note who is over the age of 45 has a kid, and they talk about it and don't get grouped as 'dad comics.'
I think I went through puberty really late in life or something. I always looked like a little, sad Thai boy up until I was 26.
People are always very surprised by how, offstage with my husband, I'm a completely different person... very soft and nurturing.
Every comic is taught that you're supposed to have a great seven-minute set and then get a sitcom. And I don't want to get the sitcom.
You know what male comics can't do? They can't get pregnant. They can't perform pregnant. So my attitude is, just use all those differences.
A lot of people like to ask me, 'Ali, how on earth do you balance family and career?' Men never get asked that question. Because they don't.
A couple of female standup comics I know refer to their kids as their Little Career Killers. I was like, I really do not want to feel that way.
It's really strange being in, like, Addison,Texas, and having people come up to me at a Nordstrom's or a gas station. It's really, really surreal.
Making people laugh was the only thing I ever truly excelled at. But at home, I was so quiet with my family, which taught me to be really observant.
There's something I want to say, and I haven't been able to articulate it yet, about how it's so rude when people don't admit that they have a nanny.
I love being a mom and having two kids. But I've had two C-sections, and I have suffered enough. That's my favourite mantra when it comes to motherhood.
Breast-feeding was so stressful for me. I kept on clenching and pushing my tongue against the bottom teeth, so they started to move toward an underbite.